So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
