this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize