I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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