Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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