Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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