Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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