question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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