I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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