Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize