This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
