Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
