Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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