I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
