Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize