We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
