I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
