I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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