That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
