I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
