dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We are two peas in an std pod
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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