i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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