sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize