so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
