I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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