new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
