I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
