I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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