1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
