i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
