Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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