and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
