Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
