im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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