i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
