Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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