Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
