So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
