eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
