her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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