don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
