i was born a porn star she said
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
