Don't you send me to vm
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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