I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
