i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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