when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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