You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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