I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
