remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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