We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
