i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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