i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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