it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
