You can't motorboat a personality
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
