when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
