you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
