I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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