Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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