Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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