Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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