There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
