doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
