i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
