In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
