Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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