She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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