Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
