So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
