i don't like sucking hair
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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