Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize